Near to You

Updates on life

2011-06-19T22:41:00.007-04:00

Hi.

It has been a long while! With school and engagements and wedding planning and apartment hunting, it has been a whirlwind of a winter/spring. I think this is a good place to update on the goodness of a FULL life. :)

1) ENGAGEMENT

Rob and I got engaged! I don't think I have updated this blog with this. He proposed on January 1, 2011 (read the story here at sunandwalker.ourwedding.com), and we have been full wedding planning ever since! Being engaged has been as much fun as being boyfriend/girlfriend. It has been really neat to make decisions together in our wedding planning and more important, in our future married lives together. I have been so blessed to be able to share my life in this way with someone as caring, kind and loving as Rob, who points me towards Christ and continues to show me love and mercy that is like Jesus'. I am excited to be his wife in a little over 100 days!

2) First year of teaching: Complete.

My first year of teaching is DONE. I work with students who have severe to profound disabilities, so every day is an adventure. Whether it was being coughed/sneezed on, almost thrown up on, changing dirty and oversized diapers, getting slapped or hit, singing/dancing/laughing with the kids, seeing growth and progress throughout the year, the smiles I got from the cute things they did, or getting slobbery kisses on the cheek, I had a BLAST. I don't think I could have asked for a better group of students.

I learned a lot - things that I want to do again next year and things I won't EVER be doing again. I constantly learn compassion and patience from my students. I love my students and am excited to be apart of growing them into people who can function more independently, despite the disability that they have been dealt. I love that I am able to spend my time with these little children of God, who may not contribute much to society on a grand scale in the eyes of some (finding the cure to cancer or discovering alternative sources of energy) but who bless those around them in ways they do not realize, which may be an even greater contribution (to me). I love to believe and trust in their potentials and their abilities. And I love pushing them to be the best and do the best, to be what they are capable of, which is a lot more than what most people give them and sometimes more than what they think of themselves. I truly feel like I am doing what God has gifted me with and what He has called me to do with my life. :) Which is really cool.

I feel blessed for the preparation school and grad school gave me. And I feel lucky to be surrounded by such supportive people, at my work and in my personal life, to encourage me and urge me to be the best teacher I could be, even when I don't feel like I am.

So now, I have two weeks of a mini-break before I go into summer school with 4 of the 5 students I had during the school year and 3 more. I will return to the same school next year.

3) Living Situations

Rob and I just put down an application on a condo in Greenbelt. Things are looking good. I am very excited! It is in a nice quiet neighborhood, has a patio with a small garden (!), new kitchen appliances (flat top stove!), track lighting throughout the condo, dining room, walk-in closet... A real cute find that Rob and I will hopefully be cozy in! I will be moving in July and Rob will be moving in once we get married in October. We are super excited about it; I am starting to think about the cute ways I can decorate it! We have been scouting the local furniture stores, Ikea, and craigslist for furniture finds and decor. This life is crazy but exciting.

4) Wedding Planning

Sites I live by: weddinggawker.com, theknot.com, weddingwire.com, weddingchannel.com. Wedding planning is coming down to the small things now - hair appointments, DIY little projects, music selections, etc. It is crazy to think that it is June already (105 more days)! I am ready to be married, but I know that God is using this time to continue to grow and mold me individually and Rob and I as a couple.

Let's hope I don't become like this lady (I don't think I have but feel free to tell me otherwise):

Until next time (hopefully less than 4 months).

Listening to: Sing it Out, Switchfoot

2011-02-25T22:17:00.001-05:00

I lose my faith easily. I am untrusting of God and His plans. I am easily overwhelmed by the brokenness of humans and our world and easily forget the goodness of God and the ways He has shown up for me so many times in my life and in the lives of many.

I know TRUTH but I don't feel it sometimes.

I need to keep trusting in a God who is bigger, who so desperately loves the world He created, who is active and healing.

Listening to: More, Tyrone Wells

Who will love me for me?

2010-11-06T23:08:00.005-04:00

Beautiful, spiritual experiences can pop out of no where. I love these.

Today, while I was driving in the car, I was listening to the CD that Rob gave me for our 23rd month anniversary (2 years minus 1 month, holla!). On it, he put a song called, "What Love Really Means," by JJ Heller. As I was listening, I was moved to tears, being greatly reminded of the love that God has for all his people, regardless of our brokenness and our shortcomings. In the song, it says, "Who will love me for me? Not for what I have done or what I will become." We all want to be accepted and loved for who we want. We want to be LOVED. For who we are. Who we are, with the brokenness, flaws, and shortcomings that come with our bodies and our hearts. Sometimes, I ask myself: how can God (or anyone for that matter) love me, someone who is wholly broken and sinful? I am selfish. Unkind. Cold. Unloving.

The crux of the song is when JJ sings about a man in jail, "waiting to die," who comes to God asking for forgiveness. Someone who society would deem the most broken/fallen. But, when humbled and before God, he hears a voice from "within," telling him that HE will love him for him, now that he is listening.

We are no different than this man. We are no more broken or fallen than he is in the eyes of God. But God loves us equally and in spite of these failures and shortcomings. He showed us a love that we never knew and continues to show this to us.

He loves us. SO much. He shows us this all along. He is constantly telling us. But are we listening?

What a gift it is that you find people in your life who is able to show you the love of God, little pieces of the great love that covers us all.

And God confirmed ALL this through his sun rays shining through the clouds. What a beautiful God.

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins."

Listening to: What Love Really Means, JJ Heller

Love will be the last thing standing.

2010-09-10T21:49:00.003-04:00

So after almost 2 months, I think it is about time for another post!

Life can be summed up in one word: Busy. I have been very busy, pulling about 11 hour days consistently. Despite the craziness of the days, I have LOVED it. I am very joyful, despite the long days. Jesus has been present. My kids are little bundles of joy; they are little love-bugs! I get a hug or a smile pretty much every hour of the day. And it has been like this since the 1st day, haha. Man, how awesome would it be to be able to love like that - free from anything holding us back, with no hesitation.

Another thing: They also think I am funny! Which not many people do, so this is something I have to hold onto.

They do have their stubborn moments. When a play break is over (which happen frequently; my kids require LOTS of breaks), I am met with the response of, "No." I just keep singing my clean-up song and they come along, eventually. With some tough love on my part. :)

I think it is interesting that when I tell people that I am a special education teacher, I am met by the response: "You must be SO patient." Really? Am I? Maybe in this area of my life, but definitely not in others. God is PERSISTENTLY teaching me patience; haha, sometimes, I wish I could learn it and get along with other life lessons already! ;) (Ba ba buumsh - that was supposed to be funny.)

I also want to say that I really like the song, "Light up the Sky" by the Afters. It is a reminder of God's presence in our lives and how He WANTS us to know this awesome truth. I've definitely been feeling this in my life, despite how busy things are.

The song is on the most recent of CDs that Rob and I exchange every month - and this is a really really good one! I will post the tracks - let me know if you want me to zip you over a copy. :)

1) The Blues, Switchfoot

2) Gravity, Shawn McDonald

3) Choosing, Alli Rogers

4) He Is Here, Amena Brown (spoken word)

5) You Led Me, Barlowgirl

6) My Eyes are Open, Now I See, Kelsey Waldon

7) Light Up the Sky, The Afters

8) Sing It Out, Switchfoot

9) I Will Sing, Owen Pye

10) Yahweh, Shawn McDonald

11) Oh My God, Blue Tree

12) Beautiful, Scandalous Night, Robbie Seay Band

13) Who Is This God, Alli Rogers

14) You, Switchfoot

15) For Freedom, Jimmy Needham

16) No One Like You, BarlowGirl

17) Just a Spark, Owen Pye

18) In Christ Alone, Bethany Dillon and Matt Hammitt

19) Love Wins, Robbie Seay Band

20) One Body, Alli Rogers

I love the way HE loves me!

2010-07-24T12:53:00.007-04:00

So, I think that God is perpetually giving me tests of patience and trust. While I think I am fairly patient, especially with other people (afterall, it is what I get told once I tell people my profession), I don’t think I am patient with things that pertain to my own life. This is evident through my relationship with Rob and most recently, with my job search process.

A couple of months ago, I had a small inkling that I would be in Montgomery County, which is where I did my student teaching. I am not quite sure how I got to this, but I just had a feeling; whether this was of myself or really of God, I had no idea.

So, throughout the application and interview process, I applied to 8 counties and had interviews with 5 counties. Mid-June was when things started rolling - had lots of (online and personal) interviews with the Human Resources Offices of 5 different counties.

On June 23rd, I got my first job offer, a K/1 life skills class in Charles County. While I was pretty pumped and excited about the job offer in itself, I wasn’t pumped and excited about the job. It was the type of class I wanted but it wasn’t what I wanted in terms of demographics and socio-economic status of students. Also, it was not ideal location-wise; I would have to move from PG County, a place where I felt convicted about being in (close to friends and loved ones, near possible churches). It didn’t feel completely right. So I eventually turned it down, knowing that God had more in store for me; I felt like I was only going to be taking it for the comfort and security of having a job rather than being excited for this job in itself. This was the first “real” risk that I have taken, in terms of my life: turning down something secure for something that was uncertain. It was really scary but a little invigorating too. So I came off of that, with an attitude trusting in God to provide, knowing that I was not supposed to be there. Around the same time, I also read the story of Hagar and Ishmael in Genesis; I read about how Sarah and Abraham tried to conceive to fulfill God’s promise on their own; they tried to achieve something that only God could provide on their own terms and efforts (which kind of blew up in their faces), rather than waiting on God’s provision and timing. I was really convicted and saw taking this job as a means of trying to “save my life,” trying to provide for myself on my own terms rather than letting God be my “employer,” my provision.

About a couple of weeks afterwards, I was starting to get depressed about the risk that I had taken. I was hearing things from different counties that were higher on the preference list (Anne Arundel and Montgomery) that the job market was not looking good, especially for the life skills type classes I wanted. I was very upset with myself, for possibly making the wrong choice and not listening to the God who knew best for me. At the same time, I also started to seriously doubt God - I thought he was withholding from me, that he would not provide. I knew truth (the fact that God IS the great provider and that God IS good) but I did not feel this truth in my heart, especially given the circumstances. I had lost the joy I feel from God for a short time.

So I decided to contact Charles County once again; I asked them if they had filled the position and if they had any other positions open. They still had the position I applied for open and they had a position in a pre-k class at a Title 1 school. This seemed a little more promising to me, especially with the demographic and type of student! Before the interview, I had another weird little feeling: “I am going to get this job today; but I am not going to take it, because I am going to accept my third offer.” Really weird. I kind of struggled with whether this was something that was of myself or that was of God. I interviewed with the school and got the job an hour after I interviewed; however, it was not the type of classroom that I wanted (it would be co-teaching with another teacher) and obviously still not location-ideal.

With the knowledge of what was going on in other counties, I was torn between the two job offers, choosing the type of classroom (self-contained classroom vs. inclusion classroom) and type of student being served, based on income (rich area vs. area of low income). After much thought, I figured that my passion lies with students who have severe disabilities and that I loved giving instruction in the community and working in a more one-on-one setting. I had a couple of days to decide; I was pretty sure that I would choose the first job offer, especially since it aligns closely to the type of classroom I wanted to be in.

However, God turned things a little upside-down on Thursday, 2 days after I got my second job offer and after I had almost for sure made up my mind. Montgomery County passed my name onto the principals and sent me a link to apply directly to schools and programs that sparked my interests. I was a little floored. I was also a little frustrated. How can God throw this curveball in my face? It seemed as if he was asking me to once again take a step of faith, to trust Him, to follow what He was calling me towards. This was hard enough to do the first time, but AGAIN!?

The next day, a school with a 4/5 SCB (school community based; programs that serve students with severe disabilities, working on functional academics, life skills and how to function in the community) program in Sandy Spring gave me a call for an interview. We set one up for Monday, which was when I was supposed to let Charles County know (this was a little bit of a cause for concern but besides the point). This school was about 10 minutes from my previous placement and only 30 minutes from my house. I was really excited about this opportunity; it was the exact type of classroom and location-ideal for previous convictions. I also learned from my mentor teacher, who worked there, that the school serves a diverse population, that there are housing projects near the school that feeds into it. I was really excited; God was doing something really cool and big. My mentor teacher e-mailed me during the weekend and told me the assistant principal was her supervisor at our school and she sang my praises to the assistant principal, who would be in charge of the SCB program and at the interview. I was really excited and thinking about how eerily this all was working together. The interview went really well and I left with confidence; I wasn’t sure whether it was a for sure thing, but after talking to a lot of people who I kept VERY up to date with this process, they assured me that things were looking good, especially with the assistant principals many compliments. I wasn’t supposed to hear until Wednesday, which was strange because I was used to hearing from the Charles County schools within the hour of interviewing. I went to Columbia that night, anxious for the decision on Wednesday, and met with my friend Ashley. On my way, it started raining really hard. I was driving in my car, singing praise songs to Jesus for such an opportunity, praying for patience and for guidance. As I was singing, the rain subsided for a bit and a rainbow appeared right before my eyes. I had a melting, beautiful feeling in my heart, knowing that Jesus was showing my very visibly that everything would be okay and that it would work out. I also had been thinking about and meditating on the verse, “Be still before the Lord and patiently wait on Him.” I was letting things go, giving up my grip and control on the situation for the God who knows better than I do to deal with it.

I called Charles County the next day and told them that they should move forward, as I couldn’t make a decision. I got a call from the assistant principal from the Montgomery County school a couple of hours later, telling me I had gotten the job! I ecstatically jumped up and down at the message. She called me back an hour later and I accepted the job, with a really good feeling in my heart. A HUGE burden had been lifted and I felt so excited and blessed.

God speaks to us. I can testify to this. They may be small whispers, but they are audible (especially when we listen) and God desires for us to hear Him. I don’t think I have ever audibly heard from God, but this was probably the closest experience.

It is also weird to think about how God might have been working, divinely orchestrating things before I even realized. I did not even want to be in Montgomery County for my student teaching; but without being in Montgomery County, would I have even ended up in this position as I have now? Would I have even experienced this experience that would cause me to feel so closely connected and lead by God? I am not sure if I can answer these questions but it is really cool to think about the beautiful ways that God orchestrates our lives. God sees us as special people and have given us intricately woven lives that allow us to feel and experience Him in different and beautiful ways.

I also feel like I believe truth even MORE. Jesus provides, as he tells us he will. He works things out for our good. He is on our SIDE - He is faithful to his promises. And most importantly, He guides us, step by step, holding out hands along the way, even when we don’t want to take steps further. He forgives us despite how often we mistrust Him (because He LOVES us so gosh darn much), and He uses the Holy Spirit to push us to trust in Him and holds out his hand to keep us from falling or sinking.

I feel like I could speak about this so much more but I will end with one simple truth: God is good. :)

If it doesn't break your heart, it isn't love.

2010-06-10T13:40:00.003-04:00

I want to keep up with my blog more. Sorry I haven't been posting much.

So I came across a little saying today that I have read before, but that has so much meaning to me currently. It says: "Love until it hurts. And then love some more." (I think it is Mother Teresa but I am not sure). I guess I don't think I have realized how prevalent this is until recently, especially with my relationship with Rob.

Love is hard. For me, it is something that has put my heart out there, on the line and vulnerable. I have shared parts of my life with him that I don't think I have shared with anyone else. And sometimes, I feel let down by him, one of the people I love most. And it hurts. Like hell. There is no denying that. But, even when it hurts to love, this quote so beautifully and simply call us to love more. To deny our personal interests, prides, pains and hurts, let go of them and release them to God, and embrace LOVE. To lay down our "lives." (1 John 3:16) This is really hard to fathom and to live out.

The fact that love is hard and heartbreaking reminds me of Jesus. Love is hard. Rob and I went over Jesus washing the disciples' feet and predicting the betrayal of Judas, Jesus' friend and disciple, in John 13. Wow. Judas has been with him for a long time now; they have formed a relationship and connection. Trust and love is fostered between them.

But Judas will betray Jesus. He will sell him out. And Jesus, in his perfection, knows this. But he does not choose to despise or hate Judas. He keeps loving him. Even though he is hurt by Judas, he still loves Judas. He washes his feet, showing humility and servanthood. He dips the bread and gives it to Judas, a sign of honor. He is deeply troubled by his prediction, hurt by the course of action his betrayer will take. But he puts away his best interests and focuses on Judas, what he needs to be able to see Jesus' love for him. Despite knowing Judas will betray him, leading to his painful crucifixion and death, Jesus LOVES Judas and this is shown through his actions. This is what love is.

This concept is displayed ultimately by Jesus' death on the cross. He died for us, bearing our burdens: our sins, our weaknesses, our pains and hurts. And this hurt like hell. Crucifixion is one of the most painful ways to die, as one is slowly being suffocated. Why did Jesus died? Love.

2010-04-11T20:13:00.002-04:00

Today, Rob and I decided to do Bible study outside at Lake Artemesia. It was a beautiful day! We are studying John right now and today, we studied part of Lazarus' death, in John 11: 17 - 37. Mary and the other Jews are hurting over the loss of their brother, their friend. After seeing them weeping and grieving over Lazarus, Jesus is moved in spirit and troubled. Then, we see Jesus taking on a very human action: He weeps.

This is something really beautiful to me. Jesus weeps. Like Mary and the Jews, He meets us in our pains and our grief, understands and knows our hurts and emotions, has compassion and takes on our pains as His own. We know this because of this passage - Jesus experienced this in His human form. He is a God who is personal, interactive, who KNOWS us deeply.

This is the God we serve. This is the God we love.

2010-02-08T09:52:00.008-05:00

The other day, I was walking down the hall with two of my students who have severe special needs. They were holding hands, because I gave them the direction to do so and to help each other down the hall. One student was walking a little faster than the other; he was paying attention and guiding the other down the hall. The other, who was kind of in his own world, was walking without really paying attention to his surroundings. He almost walked right into a wall (without my knowing); however, this was prevented because the other student puts his hand out in front of his face to somewhat guide him away from harm's way.

Things like this make me realize that God is working, even when we don't think He can. It makes me realize that He is bigger than the constraints and restrictions that society puts on people, that He continues to push the limits to show me cool new things about Himself. It also shows me that love knows no bounds.

In the midst of praying to see God more in school, I get this. :) Not only was it super cute, but I saw God in new and different ways.

Listening to: River, Herbie Handcock & Corinne Bailey Rae

2010-01-14T11:35:00.001-05:00

Hi this is Rob! LOLOL

2010-01-01T22:11:00.002-05:00

"I can hardly find the means for all the words I mean to speak, but still, this fire inside of me seems too much for me alone to keep."

Makes me want to cry because these lyrics are so beautiful and encompassing of a faith that cannot be contained!

I really miss sitting around, listening to music and reading lyrics.

2009-09-15T22:59:00.007-04:00

Jesus loves me SO much. HE IS CRAZY ABOUT ME!

IT IS SO TRUE! It is overwhelming and hard to fathom sometimes (...okay, all the time!), and it is an amazing truth that I am often forgetful or negligent of, something that I don't realize enough.

The cross that Jesus hung on was difficult. That is to say the least. It was like dying slowly by suffocation - excruciatingly painful, as well as humiliating. People were hung by nails and left to be seen, mocked, and ridiculed by the public. Not only that, but think of all the spiritual and emotional battles that Jesus was going through. The perfect Lamb of God, God's SON, being punished for the sins of the world, of people who reject him daily, the burden of which were on his shoulders.

But Jesus endured this cross for the joy awaiting Him on the other side of the cross, something that He was aware of in his divinity, something no human would have seen or understood. What joy? US. We are His joy. He saw past the pain, the hurt, the suffering, the shame, the hostility that awaited Him and saw HOPE. He saw US. Every one of us. Each of our faces. We were worth the pain, the hurt, the suffering, the shame, the hostility, worth bearing the weight of the world's sin. We were worth every lash, every mocking/ridiculing statement, every nail being driven through his body, every second of hanging on the cross. He sees us as WORTHY to DIE for, so that our LIVES are SAVED when we believe. While we were sinners, backs turned against Him, He died for us.

There is so much more that I could say or that I am missing (the resurrection... I know), but I was greatly reminded of the awesome love of Jesus at Large Group last night. God is so GOOD, despite how much I turn from Him.

Listening to: Fence Riders, Jimmy Needham

2009-08-26T11:45:00.003-04:00

I am unworthy. I am broken. I am sinful. I am prideful. I am selfish. I am unkind. I am unloving. I desire the approval of the world. I glory in my achievements, my qualities. I have priorities that are often mixed up.

But Jesus sees it otherwise -

To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy— to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen. (Jude 1:24-25)

Despite all these things that I am, things that I don't like, Jesus will present me to His Father without them, along with all my other faults, JOYFULLY. He presents me JOYFULLY. He takes JOY in presenting ME to the Father. ME - with all these qualities that do not please Him.
Furthermore, He keeps me from falling into these things that hold me captive, into death and destruction.

God is good.

Oh, how He LOVES us!

2009-08-07T23:01:00.005-04:00

"He is jealous for me,
loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
and I realize just how beautiful You are,
and how great Your affections are for me."

David Crowder's new song is good - later, it goes on to say, "So Heaven meets Earth like a sloppy wet kiss, and my heart turns violently inside of my chest. I don’t have time to maintain these regrets, when I think about the way He loves us."
I think the way Jesus loves me, how He loves humanity, is so beautiful and amazingly beyond words. To be washed clean of our sin, our affliction, and of past lives, to be beautiful and important and DEAR to our Father in heaven by the crucifixion and death of Jesus. It's crazy/beautiful/CRAZY how far He brings us when we do life with Him, that past lives/regrets are incomparable (and in a way, forgotten when we live life with Him) to the way He loves us, the new lives we have in Him. Grace is abundant. And clear.
I have huge lumps in my throat thinking about this. Oh, how He loves us.

P.S: Post about the summer to come.

2009-06-06T21:56:00.005-04:00

I do not like the feeling of uncertainty in life, in plans. I like to know, even if it's bad. Sometimes, I feel like life is a dark room or tunnel and I am feeling my way through it blindly, not knowing where I am going.
Which brings me to my next point.
How awesome is it that the God I follow provides guidance and protection? That the God I follow knows me wholly and has the BEST intentions for me already planned out?
Pretty spectacular. :) And comforting.

Awesome, fun summer stuff God has blessed me with so far:
-Chapter camp (in-depth study of the 2nd half of Mark, volleyball, beach, NERTZ domination, star gazing)
-Lake Artemesia picnic date
-Hillsong United concert! Followed by sneaking into Byrd stadium
-Working at the co-op
-Gypsy's wedding
-Relaxation

Awesome, fun things I am looking forward to:
-Hopefully some fun concerts
-SUNSHINE!
-I'm turning 22.
-Teaching in DC in my very own classroom!
-Possible Assateague trip
-Possible BRLS visitor's day trip
-Dani comes to MD (July)
More adventures to be had.

Neat picture, compliments of that boy I'm dating.

Listening to: Breakable, Ingrid Michaelson

Late night musings...

2009-05-21T01:29:00.003-04:00

I am coming to realize that I feel let down a lot. Maybe I just expect a lot out of people. I am sorry if I have put that pressure/standard on you.
But this makes me realize more and more that Jesus remains constant and good, even when the world does not feel so.
I am also coming to realize that I have big, big trust issues that are hard for me to let go of.

Listening to: Afterall, William Fitzsimmons

2009-04-12T21:34:00.004-04:00

Man, oh man. So, everyone needs to click on the JJ Heller link in the blogs I read column, because her child is PRECIOUS.

Life is slow but steady; I can't believe there is only a ONE month left of school. Senior year has gone by quickly - what a year it has been.
Things I must accomplish before the school year is over (even though I have one last year, haha; can't be old and do these young, rebellious things):
-Sneaking up to the top of Byrd Stadium
-IV senior dinner
-Last Maryland Day as an undergrad
-Figure out placement preference (low incidence vs. high incidence) for next year

Today was Easter, the celebration of the resurrection of the Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I wish I thought about the true meaning behind Easter each day; very very empowering and beautiful stuff. Jesus was put to death undeservedly for US (you and me); God punished him for OUR sin. However, He overcomes this death by His raising and in this, grants us access to a living relationship with Him and God the Father through FAITH in HIM. Also, with this belief, we are given the Holy Spirit, whom guides and can act THROUGH us. :) This, I believe and know to be truth with my entire heart.
Something cool I read reading in Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell the other day about Christ's raising: In the Gospel of John, John tells us that Jesus was buried from (and obviously raised from) a garden tomb. Also, when Mary saw Jesus in the tomb, she thought he was the gardener (random? one would think...). What is John trying to say here?
The first place "garden" was mentioned in the Bible was the Garden of Eden, where the first man and woman choose to live OUTSIDE of how God made them to live. They choose to not trust God and thus, lose their place in the garden; death enters and paradise is lost.
There is a connection between the garden tomb Jesus is rising from and the garden of Eden; there is a new Adam on the scene and he is reversing the curse of death by conquering it! He's reclaiming creation; entering into it, restoring it, and renewing God's plans for the world - God's way of refusing to give up on his dream for the world.
What a sweet connection, Rob Bell.

Easter was celebrated with one of my favorites and his family, topped off by an abundance of Easter hugs, an Easter egg hunt and beating a married couple in foosball.

Smiles are in abundance, as is God's love for humanity.

Listening to: Oh Lord, Your Love - Caedmon's Call

2009-03-02T01:17:00.003-05:00

I really love that music can change my apathy/complacency to reverence of God and all that He is.

I also think it is very beautiful that God chooses to connect with us through different mediums: conversations, His holy and precious word, prayer, art, music, film, our friends... He is such a big God that can reach us each individually through so many things in this world. He wants to show us Himself. He wants us to see Him.
Sometimes, I wonder if God is up there in heaven, yearning for us to see Him in all His splendor, in the things He has so beautifully created, but we are just too blind to see.

Listening to: Amazed, Jared Anderson

2009-01-20T09:28:00.000-05:00

I love it when I wake up early in the morning and the first thought is the again realization of how AWESOME Jesus is. Starts the day off just perfectly.

My sweet background:

Listening to: Fly Away, JJ Heller

2009-01-11T20:31:00.000-05:00

So, since the new year, I have been trying to figure out how to format a post summarizing the old year... Thanks to my dear friend, Megan, I have found such a format, which will include this AND what I will be looking forward to in the new year!

Greats (and some not-so-greats) from '08:
Living in Commons 2405: I absolutely loved living with Laurel, Malisa, and Ashley. Spring semester really solidified our bond - from a crazy trip to the hospital to bonding in the common room to a fantastic end of the semester dinner at Paparazzi full of fun encouragement time, I didn't realize how much a couple of girls can come to mean to me after not even a year of living together or knowing one another (besides Ash). I loved being able to come home and go to Ashley's room and just talk and have someone listen and make time for me, despite all the work a crazy pre-med student can accumulate. It's crazy how when living together, how much time you actually do spend with your roommates, despite crazy schedules. And just how hard it becomes to make time for one another when you don't have living together to fall back on. Despite being deemed the 2nd messiest (which I completely disagree with!), I miss living with them a lot.

Being a CA: Dang, I really miss this job - being able to do homework on the shift, greeting friends and residents coming in and out, nice friends coming to visit to pass the time, blasting sweet tunes on the job and getting compliments on my cool musical taste... Hah.

Small Group '07-'08: Leading small group was SUCH a sweet experience - I love preparing passages (very plan-oriented, if you know me - hmm, not always a good thing, makes me a crazy lady sometimes) and being completely blown away with bits of insight from friends. These kids love the Lord and it was such an encouragement to me to have such a supportive community.

Student teaching at Rogers Heights Elementary: My little boys and girls from Miss Burton's fourth grade! I worked with 7 students, who all had IEPs, most directly, but taught a couple of lessons to the whole class - all the students in the classroom were on the lower end of the spectrum in terms of academics and curriculum standards (especially reading). I miss them. Learned a lot from the general education classroom - maybe will even consider teaching in general education in the future. Will definitely consider the area (see end of next diddy).

Urban Plunge: The Urban Plunge has been an amazing, amazing experience for me - I was very encouraged seeing how much the trip grew and how many people were so interested in learning more about the city and seeing God's heart for it. For the UP '08, we teamed up with our lovely friends from George Washington University and together, learned from scriptures in Luke and experiences we had the brokenness within the city and God's heart and compassion for it. I was blown away by the things I saw in scripture, with my own eyes. Some of my favorite things that we did were: GED adult tutoring (had a sweet old lady that worked with me and choose me specifically because I was an ed major, haha), going into a DCPS classroom (and being even more blown away than the first time - I was put in a general ed 1st grade classroom - they did nothing, despite spending more per student than most cities do; maybe it was a bad day but I don't think so), interviewing teachers on a panel, walking through DC gentrified areas, study of Luke 16:19-31 (Lazarus and the rich man - awesome study led by Brian; showed me just how neglegient of the Lazaruses we may encounter in our lives we can be, along with many truths). God's really cultivated my heart in these trips, and this year, I made a commitment to God to seek an area intentionally in need when finding a school system to teach in.

Baptism: Proclaimed my faith in Jesus and how much He has transformed me to my closest friends. :)

Chapter Camp!: Spent some sweet time with some ladies at Megan's lake house before the week started; during camp, we studied Genesis with seven ladies and three boys. God touched my heart with some sweet truths, with some of them being very hard to take when relating them to our lives now. I saw much of God's goodness in his Creation and dealings with His people in the scripture, along with his continual provision. We had a pretty intimate group, lots of sharing went down. As for other fun things, we did lots of volleyball (including a sweet tournament), some beach going, some dance partying, sweet quiet times in God's creation, and some star gazing. :)

Summer Camp: Best year of summer camp yet.

Blue Ridge Leaders School: Always an experience. Saw Danae get her sixth year jacket and be nominated for HL!

Small Group '08-'09: I met some sweet ladies and together, we are learning what it means to follow Jesus in our lives and supporting one another in our walks. :) It's fun.

Fall Retreat: One of the best speakers this year! It got my heart and mind thinking about missions and the world, along with other things I am too lazy to type out right now.

Bike accident: Negative Results: 1) Two broken teeth. 2) Tears. Lots of them. 3) Fear of biking. Positive Results: 1) Realization of how much my roommates and friends care for me. Christ's love shown through them. 2) Placing my value and confidence in Jesus. 3) Making light of a bad situation through lots of prayer and seeking God.

Student teaching at Central Elementary: I student-taught in a self-contained classroom in Anne Arundel County with students ranging from 3rd to 5th grade. All were fairly low functioning, but so full of love and joy. Jesus calls us to serve and love the least of these, He came and hung out with the rejects from society. I can definitely see myself doing this type of classroom in the future.

Relationships: Growth in friendships and more. :) Exciting new beginnings and continuations.

Classes: I finally made friends in my classes. YES! We have been having classes together for a year and a half or more; it's been sweet getting to know these ladies (and gent) and being able to let them in more and more. I have been blessed with having such classmates that care so much for students who have special needs; it's been such an encouragment and a motivation to me. Definitely a challenge when the going get tough, but still trying to shine some light in courses. :)

Geez, what a year. I am surprised you got this far.

Shine in '09:
Side note: I AM SO CORNY, I like to make myself laugh. Don't judge me.
-Spring break in Chicago with ASB
-Summer plans, whatever they may be
-Student teaching
-Learning
-Growth in relationships! Intentionality in them.
-Chapter Camp
-Retreats
-Classes! I am a dork.

Listening to: Opportunity to Cry, Priscilla Ahn

I think of you.

2008-12-16T23:54:00.000-05:00

Why, hello. It's been about a month since I last wrote.
Things have been pretty pretty crazy.
The semester is over. What a horrible horrible last two weeks; which were thankfully made better by Jesus. And friends that care. :)
I am home now. Being home is weird - I have not transitioned from the busy-ness of College Park to relaxation of Kennesaw. I miss CP a lot, but I think once I start working and seeing old friends, I will become more acclimated to it.

It's been a really wonderful semester; maybe not the most fun, but I definitely learned so much in it. (I'd like to think that I've grown a lot through it.) One of those things that I have learned is in time management. It's all a balancing act - school, teaching, IV, friends from IV, friends outside of IV. Mid-semester and towards the end, I found myself having a really really hard time spending time with my roommates from last year. They weren't present, as classmates and roommates were. Each encounter had to be planned or scheduled; and even with this, it did not always work out - cancellations were prevalent. It really reinforced that I miss living with them. Don't get me wrong - I love my house and the ladies in it. But I really do miss being able to come home to the apartment, going to Ashley's room and spilling my guts about my day. Now, it's hard to even remember important things to tell her - it's more of a condensed version of what happened in the couple of weeks that I have not seen her.
Purposeful relationships take time. And effort. And intentionality. I guess this is really making me think about how and where I spend my time, especially next semester. I will have a much lighter course load (only two real classes, plus placement). PLUS, I am taking West African dance with Ashley! This will be a real treat! Class with her is fun.
I think I have a better idea of how much I am able to handle.

2008 was a great year! Soon to come will be some of my favorites of the year.

2008-11-15T20:04:00.000-05:00

Today I had an awesome time in DC. It was kinda disheartening, but I saw Jesus' hope shining through. Storytime:
I walk up to my friend Brian and ask him how he was doing. He looks at me, with his awesomely clear blue eyes, and asks me if I really wanted to know, and I tell him I do. I walk closer to him and he grabs my hands and tells me he's really scared. As I move closer to him, I smell alcohol on his breath. His eyes are droopy and he looks really out of it - not the Brian that I have talked to in past weeks. He says me he can't live this way. My heart drops. I let him talk for a little bit - a lot about how he doesn't feel like people get him, how relating to people is hard. I am not sure, it was a little incoherent. Still, he has a really great attitude about it all and says he loves God. As I was getting ready to leave, he grabs my hands and bends over and touches them to his forehead. He tells me that I don't know what I am doing out here and that he loves me.
I want to cry thinking about it. They don't know what they are doing for me - it's such an experience in humility, in friendship, in seeing God's hope. It's amazing to me to see people in such positions seek God as refuge, as comfort. I am going on Friday, since we will not be able to go on Saturday.

To our weaknesses, He is no stranger.

2008-11-01T14:23:00.000-04:00

So I had forgotten to post about this a long time ago; but I think it's quite beautiful.
Saturday mornings, a group of us go down to Union Station and hand out bagged lunches to our homeless friends down there. It is usually a pretty convicting experience. There are two super cool guys named Hunt and Erik. They are best friends and are usually found sitting on this wall near the street. Hunt also always notices my necklace and asks me about it, haha, which is really endearing. Anyway, a couple of Saturdays ago, I was talking to them, and they started feeding the pigeons cupcakes they had. They also gave away the foods in the lunch we gave them to a family.
Wait, backtrack. What? The homeless were giving away the little food that they had? A lot of the time, we are unwilling to give away what we have, even if we have much of it. Hm. I feel like I learn a lot from these experiences, from people who are at different stages of their lives, in different positions. It's quite humbling; I am not sure if they are Christians or not, but it's an amazing and encouraging example of of giving and complete reliance of the One who provides eternally.

Retreat just happened. The topic: Throw your life away. I was very challenged. Jesus kind of rocked my boat, especially in thinking of the future. It's all in His hands, but He definitely opened my mind up to the different possibilities and ways to use the talents He has given me.
Acts 20:22-24 is sweet. Despite how uncertain Paul is in going to Jerusalem and his past experiences in every city (hardships and obstacles), his life is worth NOTHING compared to being able to carry through with what Jesus is telling him to do, which is spreading the awesome love of Jesus. Gives me a lot of perspective to the questions/doubts/fears I have in my mind.

Through a couple of conversations, I have realized just how much I love talking about Jesus and what He is to me and what He has done for US to people. To non-believers. It makes me really excited and I definitely feel the Spirit's presence in all of those interactions.

Today was beautiful.
I have much new music to listen to.
And a lot of homework to do.

Listening to: If I Am Brave, Alli Rogers

There are still things to be done here.

2008-10-13T16:48:00.000-04:00

Crazy happenings of last week:
-Fell off of my bike trying to prevent my pant leg from getting caught on the chain - silly that one moment can have such effects. Chipped my two front teeth, among other bruises. I was pretty torn up on the inside that day - it was pretty shocking, a huge ego blow and chipping my teeth had to have been my WORST fear. Haha. I shudder every time I think about it, but I am fine. Pretty good, actually. God is good and have put wonderful people in my life. It's been teaching me a lot of things - joy, humility, confidence from God, not relying on what the world thinks of you, etc. God is so sweet!
-Around the World dinner was a hit (in my humble opinion)! There were so many good foods that people brought and people brought their friends, which was extra exciting!
-Team Fausome Possum is underway - lost our first game but it was so much fun! We had an awesome group of people cheering us on. :) Friends are amazing gifts from God.
-EDSP499C is a pretty sweet class - I know a lot of people don't like it, but it makes me think a lot. Yesterday, we talked a lot about education and poverty, the difference between high poverty schools vs. low poverty schools (teacher quality, facilities, class size, salaries, etc). It reminded me a lot of what we talked about on the plunge and really reminded me of why I want to be a teacher and where I want to teach (intentionally in an area of need). The system is so working against these kids, along with the many other factors, outside of academics (academic experiences, parents, opportunities, etc). Some teachers just don't want to deal with it - they'd rather have security, comfort even (who'd blame them?). To reinforce this, a couple of weeks ago, she posed the question: If DC public schools offered to pay you $70,000 to work there, vs. the $45,000 dollars you'd get with MCPS [Moco], would you take it? Even with the huge pay hike (not that we do it for money anyway, haha, which kinda skews this example... but whatever), all of the teachers she asked said no, with one girl even saying that her life is much more valuable to her. There is much fear, biases, insecurity. And so the system perpetuates itself. Sure, there are a lot of initiatives going into it and a lot of proposed change; but is that really going to change such a long running system?
I guess the only thing we can do is hope and trust that Jesus will make it right.
It was an interesting class for me, to say the least. ALSO, we are doing NCLB "at risk" subgroup presentations and guess which group I got - children living in poverty!

Crazy happenings to come:
-SG Dinner at El Taco Dinner Thursday!
-Tyrone Wells at Fe Friday night!
-I start teaching next week! In a self-contained special ed classroom, in Anne Arundel County. 40 minutes+ away. However, someone from my class will be teaching there too, so carpooling will happen.
-KNES160N starts on Monday!
-Fall retreat

Listening to: God of this City, Chris Tomlin

Jesus, take my life and lead me on.

2008-10-05T19:42:00.000-04:00

Sometimes there is such a disconnect for me. I often feel in between joy and guilt. Joy in what I see God doing in my heart/life, on our campus, within our fellowship, in friendships, in intentionality. Guilt in how hard it is for me to leave behind what I hold dear, in not living up to my potential. I am so selfish and I am realizing it more and more each day. There is a lot in my heart that I am unable to let go of, things that I want. I feel so unworthy sometimes and God knows my heart, but His goodness and mercy are overwhelming.
"To starve is to feast and less of me is more of Jesus." -- I gave a little speech about lordship at this retreat I went on this weekend - 3-5 minutes. It's pretty funny I got to speak on this topic because it's been increasingly difficult for me as of late. At one point, I felt so unfit to talk about this because of my struggles due to the selfishness that I have. I wanted to change it at one point; I was having a lot of trouble writing/thinking out what I wanted to say. But I remembered a truth that I often forget. Something that I love so much about God is that he is working on us all, continually and every day. And His grace is there, when we fall short, despite anything and everything.
Philippians 3:7-9 is amazing. The more I come to know God (and read verses such as this), the more I am convicted to give my life over to Him, the more I am convicted that what I hold dear in my life here is worthless in comparison to what Jesus is. However, there is a disconnect between this strong conviction and living it out. I read passages like this one and am so moved. Change may happen but I fall back into the same sin eventually. Still, another amazing example of His grace.

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith

I will try to be better. I will be better.

Photo compliments of Allison.

Listening to: Lord You Have My Heart, delirious?

2008-09-29T20:46:00.000-04:00

Waiting for One Tree Hill and having talked to a friend/wise old man about this past pastime of mine, I have decided to write a post and post the "soundtrack" of my life. I've done it a couple of times - it is pretty fun to see how my songs change for various "scenes." It's pretty dorky, but it's the little fun things in life that get you by, right?

Opening credits: Shine Your Light on Us, Robbie Seay Band
Waking up: Let Your Light Shine, Bethany Dillon*
Average day: Everything is Beautiful, Starfield
First date: Feel This, Bethany Joy Galeotti w/ Enation
Falling in love: mid-november, Johnathan Rice
Fight scene: Apologies, Grace Potter & the Nocturnals
Breaking up: Near to You, A Fine Frenzy
Getting back together: Life is Beautiful, Ryan Adams
Wedding Song: So You Are To Me, Eastmountainsouth
Life's okay: Fix You, Coldplay
Mental Breakdown: Ruin Me, Jeff Johnson
Driving: Can't Stop Loving You, Phil Collins
Flashback: Lie in the Sound, Trespassers Williams
Partying: Calabria 2007, Enur
Happy dance: Southern Girl, Amos Lee
Long night alone: Lonely Tonight, Matt Wertz*
Death scene: Beautiful, Shawn McDonald
* = Have not changed since the last time I did this.

What I am looking forward to this week:
-New Student Retreat!
-Tutoring Isaiah
-IV and small group!

Listening to: Dance All Night, Ryan Adams

Can we go back to the beginning, when everything was easier?

2008-09-18T23:04:00.000-04:00

I've been feeling God's presence in my life so deeply lately. Like, I can really feel Him. I don't see why He trusts me with so much sometimes. I hope I don't (slash I can't) let Him down. And I'd like to think He won't let me.
Things are so different right now from what they were two years ago.

Listening to: Radiance and Reason, Josh Johnson

2008-09-07T00:40:00.000-04:00

School is in. There is lots to do. It's been a couple of really hard, testing days. But God is good and is always with me.
I've decided that I will be trying to right the wrong this semester.

Listening to: True Love, Phil Wickham

2008-08-14T21:33:00.000-04:00

Silliness.
So I'm going through my old things and found a piece of paper entitled, "50+ things I want to do in a lifetime," written on April 26th, 2005. This was a project for my AP Lit class, taught by one of the most animated, energetic, vivacious teachers I've had - crazy old English teacher, haha.
Some of the list, I found I've accomplished:
15) Let people know I love them.
16) Make mistakes and learn from them.
31) Continue to attend BRLS, even after my 6th year.
40) Be spontaneous.
45) Dance like a maniac. (Haha, what the.)
Some to be accomplished soon (hopefully):
4) Graduate from college.
6) Have a career I love and enjoy.
8) Live in a 3rd world country.
11) Go to graduate school.
Some things, I now would NOT want to do:
32) Swim in a pool of apricot jello.
33) Name a wing after myself or something ridiculous.
51) Go to see the Kings during the playoffs (mainly, because it's not going to happen for them).
54) Live in NYC.
55) Live in Boston.
Along with a lot of other silly things I don't think I will do/want to do.
Things sure have changed since high school.

2008-08-07T23:37:00.000-04:00

So there is this little boy in camp named Joseph. Joseph has Down syndrome and has such a big heart - he's not even in my camp but is still incredibly friendly with me. He loves hugs and attention, as most kids do. One day, he showed me a doodle, and on it, was a bunch of little drawings. One was of Jesus on the cross (smiling, which was a cute addition on Joseph's part) and he scribbled a bunch of little phrases (the ones that I was able to make out), like "Rock," and "Strong Tower," with the penmanship of a 5 year old, rather than the 11 year old that he is.
Children with Down syndrome have lower than average intelligence and their communication is usually impaired; Joseph barely verbal, which is why this struck me.
It just shows how powerful/big/loving Jesus is - this kid really loves Jesus and what He has done for him. I sometimes doubt that He can enter into lives, but He can - and I am so weak for doubting what He can do, which I do a lot, subconsciously.

Camp is over tomorrow. More to come later.

Listening to: Never Let Go, Matt Redman

Blackbird singing in the dead of night..

2008-07-20T23:53:00.000-04:00

It has been a busy/lazy/tiring July for me, which explains the lack of posts.
Camp has been camp - I have been having a strangely good time with it, despite the hot hot heat and lack of voice. It's definitely a great change of heart that the Lord gave me, in regards to the kids and my co-workers (whom I've grown to love working with, after a shaky start). Everything is just so much more positive - and I have so much more energy and excitement to go and play with the kids. They are really what keep me coming back and sane. There are three in particular that just make my days so much better than they would be. Really awesome thing to be blessed with - actually loving the job you do and the people and kids you work with. It has really cemented that I've chosen the right path for my life.
I just can't believe that the last week is THIS week - I am really going to miss it, I think. It has been the best year, camper wise. My kids make me so happy and bring so many smiles and laughs to my face. It has definitely been hard, with many challenges, trying to really bring a light to camp and be the "different" - but I think God has given me many lessons and experiences to reflect on - patience, love, humility, etc etc. Some very hard truths to deal with, at least for me.
And I had SO much fun!

As much as I miss Maryland, there are a couple of people in Atlanta who I feel so connected and close to. I always say it is my last summer in Atlanta, but by the end of it, I guess I always rethink my statement.

Listening to: Blackbird, The Beatles

There's nothing better than knowing that we are redeemed.

2008-07-06T21:34:00.001-04:00

I really really needed that 3 day weekend - camp really tires me out. It also went by way too fast. Some highlights:
After work Thursday, Ryan and I were supposed to do cardio-kickboxing and zumba classes, but we ended up being way too lazy. We proceeded home, which took an hour and a half! What? Without traffic, it is a 30 minute drive. But the roads were vicious, and it took an hour more than it usually does. I've re-realized my angry tendencies when driving, especially in traffic, that day (which I don't like at all).
So Friday, the 4th, my mom, brother and I went out, to browse cars, and ended up buying one. I have never bought a car before, but those salesmen are pretty convincing. He gave us a sweet deal, though, and because it was the 4th, there were extra discounts taken. So there is my baby, it is dark blue, with a lovely Maryland window decal on it!
I got to hear from Aida today! It made me miss her a lot. It was great to hear what she is learning in the city through the program. I am really excited about what God is teaching/showing her through her experience and through Bible study. It makes me really excited for the end of summer and the start of the school year, when I will be able to see my college friends again. But I need not let my summer pass me by and I also need not let that be what motivates me through each summer day - I really need to be there for the people in my life here and the camp kids.
I like the church I attend here in Kennesaw more and more each week that I go. What a blessing it is to find one minutes from my new house. The pastor really goes in depth with the scripture and shows us just how applicable it is in our lives now - he is awesome and reminds me somewhat of Lon. We are going through a series on joy over the summer using the book of Philippians. Going through it has made me re-discover how awesome the messages in Philippians are. Topics have ranged from characteristics of people who increase joy in our lives, how to remain a difference maker (and not complacent in our faith), ways to diffuse conflict, and today, how to maintain joy. One way to maintain joy is to keep walking by Grace and resist legalism. He showed how Paul was once legalistic in the scripture. He then used Gal. 5:1, speaking about the freedom in Christ. He touched on 3 areas that keep us from being free, burdens if you will: past sins, current sins, and spiritual "obligations" (obligation in the way we view it/our motive). He talked about how a lot of people view their sins (past and current) way too "big" to be able to be forgiven of, things we won't "let" God forive us for, things we consider his grace not great enough to conquer. He gave this awesome verse in Psalms, touching on the multitude of Christ's forgiveness - as far as the east is to the west. After becoming a Christian, I definitely struggled a lot with who I was before I found Christ. While knowing that He has forgiven me, I guess I didn't realize the depth of it, and it was really keeping me from getting closer to the One who loves me so much. When I hear messages like that, it really touches me because it hits so close to home. The rest of it really motivated me to try to walk by Grace, to remind myself how great God's grace is everyday, and to focus on showing people the Love I have been given.
Which is really hard in Atlanta, I've realized. Especially in camp. When my patience is so incredibly tried. But it's something I have prayed about a lot and I have definitely seen Jesus working in me.

Listening to: Devotion, Hillsong United

God in my hurting, God in my healing.

2008-06-22T19:54:00.000-04:00

So last week I went to Blue Ridge Leaders School, one of the my favorite places ever. I've been going since the young age of 13 and have had a really awesome, changing experience each year. This year was no different.
Coming for my 8th year, it was a little rough at first - a lot of my friends from years past did not get to come back, so I felt a little weird about it all. I guess I didn't feel as comfortable, especially with the people I know being gone/busy with leader stuff. However, Jesus changed my attitude about it and made me a happier camper, literally. :) From the point at which my mindset changed, Blue Ridge began to feel a lot like it had in years past, so that was really great.
I guess a couple of the things that struck me about BRLS this year:
-A lot of what I go through, I take for granted. It is really a shame too, because I can definitely look back on a lot of experiences and say that I wish I had taken a lot more from them than I had.
-I have been learning a lot about the opportunities God has been placing in front of me - BRLS was no different. It was something God wanted me to take full advantage of to shine for and exalt Him in my actions. He provides me with so much daily and has given me so much in the past (HIS SON!), so it only seems reasonable that I give him my all/best. So hopefully, I can really bring this home to Atlanta.
-The two devotions, the virtue and faith ones, were so heart-felt to me and I am really praying that it touched others as it did me. I am really excited that BRLS is becoming more Christ-centered (at least it is something that I have been taking from it) - it is a really awesome opportunity that the YMCA has to be able to disciple young leaders and an awesome gift to all those BRLS attendees.
-It is in situations of uncomfort where Jesus challenges you and grows you the most.
Dangit, I had a longer post written up, but it didn't save. Boo technology!
Before this post disappears too, I'm out. :( More later: Teen Bible Study! Can't wait to tell y'all about it and what God brings it.

Listening to: Everything, Tim Hughes.

Hear me, if you're out there, take these words and try to understand.

2008-06-02T22:29:00.000-04:00

Being back in Atlanta is weird. I feel so out of touch. Not that anything is out of the ordinary. It's just different from what I am used to at school. Weirdly, I am "home-sick" for College Park. I miss late night talks with my roommates, being busy, class, teaching, the mall, random get-togethers to play games, jamming out to music in my room, small group, cooking, Tuesday night dinners, McLean, carpooling to McLean, etc etc. Hopefully, I can get back into my groove. Soon.

I guess part of my dissatisfaction with life in ATL is just that I feel like I am not living up to what I feel is expected. I've been praying to be a light for Jesus here in Atlanta, and I just am not. It's pretty disappointing - I should be really on fire after that awesome week at camp. But I find myself quiet when I could be shouting the Gospel, not taking the opportunity/willing to speak up. So it's time to step it up and really shine for Him.
I also don't really like the feeling of dissatisfication - it's just very ungrateful/inappreciative with what God has given me.
Dunno if I am making sense, but hopefully, I can get out of this funk. It's only been a couple of days, so I can't be too weird about it.

So onto happier things:
-I had really good frozen yogurt the other day - it's from this awesome place called Yoforia. Look at how delicious that looks. The yogurt blend is citrus-y and you can add fruit (which I did - raspberry, blackberry and blueberry)! There is also a pomegranate flavor, which is awesome. There is green tea and dark chocolate as well, but those don't appeal to me as much. Yes, go go Yoforia!
-Camp kids are cute. I am doing soccer camp - 7-10 year olds; it's fun, but I miss my 5-6 babies. They are more inclined to give hugs and cling to you and just be cute all around. Maybe I will get moved next week.
-Hillsong United's song, "One Thing" is an awesome worship song.

Listening to: The Kingdom, Bethany Dillon

First entry!

2008-06-02T03:40:00.000-04:00

SO: My first entry! I am very excited to begin blogging (again; I used to have a livejournal but that is way obsolete). I am thinking it's going to be a boring summer, so I decided to be productive and grace y'all with my Carolisms. So with this being my first entry in my new blog, Megan suggested that I write 10 things that I feel like people should know about me. So here it goes!

1) I try to follow Jesus. Somedays, I feel like I have a clear picture of it, somedays, not so much. But I love Him so much, He saves me from myself everyday.
2) I don't like immediate change, but it is constant and I am so grateful to have been changed.
3) One Tree Hill is the only TV show I watch!
4) I am really excited to become a teacher; I feel called towards and eventually want to teach in inner-city DC. For lots of reasons. I could go on for a long time - maybe I will one of these days.
5) I am a vegetarian and do so for economic/world poverty issues, as well as the meat industry not being very ethical. Maybe I will go on about this one entry, as well.
6) I love camp! Any type of camp. I've gone to camp for 7 summers of my life (this summer will be 8!), have work at a YMCA day camp for 3 years and have gone to camp with Intervarsity in college for 2 years now.
7) I have the best friends in the world. Seriously.
8) I looove music - if you really want to stalk me, here is my music profile. I am especially partial to Hillsong United.
9) My worst fear is rejection... From anything. Being told I am not good enough.
10) I want to live in love with my Savior.

Listening to: Worlds Apart, Jars of Clay