Why, hello. It's been about a month since I last wrote.
Things have been pretty pretty crazy.
The semester is over. What a horrible horrible last two weeks; which were thankfully made better by Jesus. And friends that care. :)
I am home now. Being home is weird - I have not transitioned from the busy-ness of College Park to relaxation of Kennesaw. I miss CP a lot, but I think once I start working and seeing old friends, I will become more acclimated to it.
It's been a really wonderful semester; maybe not the most fun, but I definitely learned so much in it. (I'd like to think that I've grown a lot through it.) One of those things that I have learned is in time management. It's all a balancing act - school, teaching, IV, friends from IV, friends outside of IV. Mid-semester and towards the end, I found myself having a really really hard time spending time with my roommates from last year. They weren't present, as classmates and roommates were. Each encounter had to be planned or scheduled; and even with this, it did not always work out - cancellations were prevalent. It really reinforced that I miss living with them. Don't get me wrong - I love my house and the ladies in it. But I really do miss being able to come home to the apartment, going to Ashley's room and spilling my guts about my day. Now, it's hard to even remember important things to tell her - it's more of a condensed version of what happened in the couple of weeks that I have not seen her.
Purposeful relationships take time. And effort. And intentionality. I guess this is really making me think about how and where I spend my time, especially next semester. I will have a much lighter course load (only two real classes, plus placement). PLUS, I am taking West African dance with Ashley! This will be a real treat! Class with her is fun.
I think I have a better idea of how much I am able to handle.
2008 was a great year! Soon to come will be some of my favorites of the year.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Today I had an awesome time in DC. It was kinda disheartening, but I saw Jesus' hope shining through. Storytime:
I walk up to my friend Brian and ask him how he was doing. He looks at me, with his awesomely clear blue eyes, and asks me if I really wanted to know, and I tell him I do. I walk closer to him and he grabs my hands and tells me he's really scared. As I move closer to him, I smell alcohol on his breath. His eyes are droopy and he looks really out of it - not the Brian that I have talked to in past weeks. He says me he can't live this way. My heart drops. I let him talk for a little bit - a lot about how he doesn't feel like people get him, how relating to people is hard. I am not sure, it was a little incoherent. Still, he has a really great attitude about it all and says he loves God. As I was getting ready to leave, he grabs my hands and bends over and touches them to his forehead. He tells me that I don't know what I am doing out here and that he loves me.
I want to cry thinking about it. They don't know what they are doing for me - it's such an experience in humility, in friendship, in seeing God's hope. It's amazing to me to see people in such positions seek God as refuge, as comfort. I am going on Friday, since we will not be able to go on Saturday.
To our weaknesses, He is no stranger.
I walk up to my friend Brian and ask him how he was doing. He looks at me, with his awesomely clear blue eyes, and asks me if I really wanted to know, and I tell him I do. I walk closer to him and he grabs my hands and tells me he's really scared. As I move closer to him, I smell alcohol on his breath. His eyes are droopy and he looks really out of it - not the Brian that I have talked to in past weeks. He says me he can't live this way. My heart drops. I let him talk for a little bit - a lot about how he doesn't feel like people get him, how relating to people is hard. I am not sure, it was a little incoherent. Still, he has a really great attitude about it all and says he loves God. As I was getting ready to leave, he grabs my hands and bends over and touches them to his forehead. He tells me that I don't know what I am doing out here and that he loves me.
I want to cry thinking about it. They don't know what they are doing for me - it's such an experience in humility, in friendship, in seeing God's hope. It's amazing to me to see people in such positions seek God as refuge, as comfort. I am going on Friday, since we will not be able to go on Saturday.
To our weaknesses, He is no stranger.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
So I had forgotten to post about this a long time ago; but I think it's quite beautiful.
Saturday mornings, a group of us go down to Union Station and hand out bagged lunches to our homeless friends down there. It is usually a pretty convicting experience. There are two super cool guys named Hunt and Erik. They are best friends and are usually found sitting on this wall near the street. Hunt also always notices my necklace and asks me about it, haha, which is really endearing. Anyway, a couple of Saturdays ago, I was talking to them, and they started feeding the pigeons cupcakes they had. They also gave away the foods in the lunch we gave them to a family.
Wait, backtrack. What? The homeless were giving away the little food that they had? A lot of the time, we are unwilling to give away what we have, even if we have much of it. Hm. I feel like I learn a lot from these experiences, from people who are at different stages of their lives, in different positions. It's quite humbling; I am not sure if they are Christians or not, but it's an amazing and encouraging example of of giving and complete reliance of the One who provides eternally.
Retreat just happened. The topic: Throw your life away. I was very challenged. Jesus kind of rocked my boat, especially in thinking of the future. It's all in His hands, but He definitely opened my mind up to the different possibilities and ways to use the talents He has given me.
Acts 20:22-24 is sweet. Despite how uncertain Paul is in going to Jerusalem and his past experiences in every city (hardships and obstacles), his life is worth NOTHING compared to being able to carry through with what Jesus is telling him to do, which is spreading the awesome love of Jesus. Gives me a lot of perspective to the questions/doubts/fears I have in my mind.
Through a couple of conversations, I have realized just how much I love talking about Jesus and what He is to me and what He has done for US to people. To non-believers. It makes me really excited and I definitely feel the Spirit's presence in all of those interactions.
Today was beautiful.
I have much new music to listen to.
And a lot of homework to do.
Listening to: If I Am Brave, Alli Rogers
Saturday mornings, a group of us go down to Union Station and hand out bagged lunches to our homeless friends down there. It is usually a pretty convicting experience. There are two super cool guys named Hunt and Erik. They are best friends and are usually found sitting on this wall near the street. Hunt also always notices my necklace and asks me about it, haha, which is really endearing. Anyway, a couple of Saturdays ago, I was talking to them, and they started feeding the pigeons cupcakes they had. They also gave away the foods in the lunch we gave them to a family.
Wait, backtrack. What? The homeless were giving away the little food that they had? A lot of the time, we are unwilling to give away what we have, even if we have much of it. Hm. I feel like I learn a lot from these experiences, from people who are at different stages of their lives, in different positions. It's quite humbling; I am not sure if they are Christians or not, but it's an amazing and encouraging example of of giving and complete reliance of the One who provides eternally.
Retreat just happened. The topic: Throw your life away. I was very challenged. Jesus kind of rocked my boat, especially in thinking of the future. It's all in His hands, but He definitely opened my mind up to the different possibilities and ways to use the talents He has given me.
Acts 20:22-24 is sweet. Despite how uncertain Paul is in going to Jerusalem and his past experiences in every city (hardships and obstacles), his life is worth NOTHING compared to being able to carry through with what Jesus is telling him to do, which is spreading the awesome love of Jesus. Gives me a lot of perspective to the questions/doubts/fears I have in my mind.
Through a couple of conversations, I have realized just how much I love talking about Jesus and what He is to me and what He has done for US to people. To non-believers. It makes me really excited and I definitely feel the Spirit's presence in all of those interactions.
Today was beautiful.
I have much new music to listen to.
And a lot of homework to do.
Listening to: If I Am Brave, Alli Rogers
Monday, October 13, 2008
There are still things to be done here.
Crazy happenings of last week:
-Fell off of my bike trying to prevent my pant leg from getting caught on the chain - silly that one moment can have such effects. Chipped my two front teeth, among other bruises. I was pretty torn up on the inside that day - it was pretty shocking, a huge ego blow and chipping my teeth had to have been my WORST fear. Haha. I shudder every time I think about it, but I am fine. Pretty good, actually. God is good and have put wonderful people in my life. It's been teaching me a lot of things - joy, humility, confidence from God, not relying on what the world thinks of you, etc. God is so sweet!
-Around the World dinner was a hit (in my humble opinion)! There were so many good foods that people brought and people brought their friends, which was extra exciting!
-Team Fausome Possum is underway - lost our first game but it was so much fun! We had an awesome group of people cheering us on. :) Friends are amazing gifts from God.
-EDSP499C is a pretty sweet class - I know a lot of people don't like it, but it makes me think a lot. Yesterday, we talked a lot about education and poverty, the difference between high poverty schools vs. low poverty schools (teacher quality, facilities, class size, salaries, etc). It reminded me a lot of what we talked about on the plunge and really reminded me of why I want to be a teacher and where I want to teach (intentionally in an area of need). The system is so working against these kids, along with the many other factors, outside of academics (academic experiences, parents, opportunities, etc). Some teachers just don't want to deal with it - they'd rather have security, comfort even (who'd blame them?). To reinforce this, a couple of weeks ago, she posed the question: If DC public schools offered to pay you $70,000 to work there, vs. the $45,000 dollars you'd get with MCPS [Moco], would you take it? Even with the huge pay hike (not that we do it for money anyway, haha, which kinda skews this example... but whatever), all of the teachers she asked said no, with one girl even saying that her life is much more valuable to her. There is much fear, biases, insecurity. And so the system perpetuates itself. Sure, there are a lot of initiatives going into it and a lot of proposed change; but is that really going to change such a long running system?
I guess the only thing we can do is hope and trust that Jesus will make it right.
It was an interesting class for me, to say the least. ALSO, we are doing NCLB "at risk" subgroup presentations and guess which group I got - children living in poverty!
Crazy happenings to come:
-SG Dinner at El Taco Dinner Thursday!
-Tyrone Wells at Fe Friday night!
-I start teaching next week! In a self-contained special ed classroom, in Anne Arundel County. 40 minutes+ away. However, someone from my class will be teaching there too, so carpooling will happen.
-KNES160N starts on Monday!
-Fall retreat
Listening to: God of this City, Chris Tomlin
-Fell off of my bike trying to prevent my pant leg from getting caught on the chain - silly that one moment can have such effects. Chipped my two front teeth, among other bruises. I was pretty torn up on the inside that day - it was pretty shocking, a huge ego blow and chipping my teeth had to have been my WORST fear. Haha. I shudder every time I think about it, but I am fine. Pretty good, actually. God is good and have put wonderful people in my life. It's been teaching me a lot of things - joy, humility, confidence from God, not relying on what the world thinks of you, etc. God is so sweet!
-Around the World dinner was a hit (in my humble opinion)! There were so many good foods that people brought and people brought their friends, which was extra exciting!
-Team Fausome Possum is underway - lost our first game but it was so much fun! We had an awesome group of people cheering us on. :) Friends are amazing gifts from God.
-EDSP499C is a pretty sweet class - I know a lot of people don't like it, but it makes me think a lot. Yesterday, we talked a lot about education and poverty, the difference between high poverty schools vs. low poverty schools (teacher quality, facilities, class size, salaries, etc). It reminded me a lot of what we talked about on the plunge and really reminded me of why I want to be a teacher and where I want to teach (intentionally in an area of need). The system is so working against these kids, along with the many other factors, outside of academics (academic experiences, parents, opportunities, etc). Some teachers just don't want to deal with it - they'd rather have security, comfort even (who'd blame them?). To reinforce this, a couple of weeks ago, she posed the question: If DC public schools offered to pay you $70,000 to work there, vs. the $45,000 dollars you'd get with MCPS [Moco], would you take it? Even with the huge pay hike (not that we do it for money anyway, haha, which kinda skews this example... but whatever), all of the teachers she asked said no, with one girl even saying that her life is much more valuable to her. There is much fear, biases, insecurity. And so the system perpetuates itself. Sure, there are a lot of initiatives going into it and a lot of proposed change; but is that really going to change such a long running system?
I guess the only thing we can do is hope and trust that Jesus will make it right.
It was an interesting class for me, to say the least. ALSO, we are doing NCLB "at risk" subgroup presentations and guess which group I got - children living in poverty!
Crazy happenings to come:
-SG Dinner at El Taco Dinner Thursday!
-Tyrone Wells at Fe Friday night!
-I start teaching next week! In a self-contained special ed classroom, in Anne Arundel County. 40 minutes+ away. However, someone from my class will be teaching there too, so carpooling will happen.
-KNES160N starts on Monday!
-Fall retreat
Listening to: God of this City, Chris Tomlin
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Jesus, take my life and lead me on.
Sometimes there is such a disconnect for me. I often feel in between joy and guilt. Joy in what I see God doing in my heart/life, on our campus, within our fellowship, in friendships, in intentionality. Guilt in how hard it is for me to leave behind what I hold dear, in not living up to my potential. I am so selfish and I am realizing it more and more each day. There is a lot in my heart that I am unable to let go of, things that I want. I feel so unworthy sometimes and God knows my heart, but His goodness and mercy are overwhelming."To starve is to feast and less of me is more of Jesus." -- I gave a little speech about lordship at this retreat I went on this weekend - 3-5 minutes. It's pretty funny I got to speak on this topic because it's been increasingly difficult for me as of late. At one point, I felt so unfit to talk about this because of my struggles due to the selfishness that I have. I wanted to change it at one point; I was having a lot of trouble writing/thinking out what I wanted to say. But I remembered a truth that I often forget. Something that I love so much about God is that he is working on us all, continually and every day. And His grace is there, when we fall short, despite anything and everything.
Philippians 3:7-9 is amazing. The more I come to know God (and read verses such as this), the more I am convicted to give my life over to Him, the more I am convicted that what I hold dear in my life here is worthless in comparison to what Jesus is. However, there is a disconnect between this strong conviction and living it out. I read passages like this one and am so moved. Change may happen but I fall back into the same sin eventually. Still, another amazing example of His grace.
But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faithI will try to be better. I will be better.
Photo compliments of Allison.
Listening to: Lord You Have My Heart, delirious?
Monday, September 29, 2008
Waiting for One Tree Hill and having talked to a friend/wise old man about this past pastime of mine, I have decided to write a post and post the "soundtrack" of my life. I've done it a couple of times - it is pretty fun to see how my songs change for various "scenes." It's pretty dorky, but it's the little fun things in life that get you by, right?
Opening credits: Shine Your Light on Us, Robbie Seay Band
Waking up: Let Your Light Shine, Bethany Dillon*
Average day: Everything is Beautiful, Starfield
First date: Feel This, Bethany Joy Galeotti w/ Enation
Falling in love: mid-november, Johnathan Rice
Fight scene: Apologies, Grace Potter & the Nocturnals
Breaking up: Near to You, A Fine Frenzy
Getting back together: Life is Beautiful, Ryan Adams
Wedding Song: So You Are To Me, Eastmountainsouth
Life's okay: Fix You, Coldplay
Mental Breakdown: Ruin Me, Jeff Johnson
Driving: Can't Stop Loving You, Phil Collins
Flashback: Lie in the Sound, Trespassers Williams
Partying: Calabria 2007, Enur
Happy dance: Southern Girl, Amos Lee
Long night alone: Lonely Tonight, Matt Wertz*
Death scene: Beautiful, Shawn McDonald
* = Have not changed since the last time I did this.
What I am looking forward to this week:
-New Student Retreat!
-Tutoring Isaiah
-IV and small group!
Listening to: Dance All Night, Ryan Adams
Opening credits: Shine Your Light on Us, Robbie Seay Band
Waking up: Let Your Light Shine, Bethany Dillon*
Average day: Everything is Beautiful, Starfield
First date: Feel This, Bethany Joy Galeotti w/ Enation
Falling in love: mid-november, Johnathan Rice
Fight scene: Apologies, Grace Potter & the Nocturnals
Breaking up: Near to You, A Fine Frenzy
Getting back together: Life is Beautiful, Ryan Adams
Wedding Song: So You Are To Me, Eastmountainsouth
Life's okay: Fix You, Coldplay
Mental Breakdown: Ruin Me, Jeff Johnson
Driving: Can't Stop Loving You, Phil Collins
Flashback: Lie in the Sound, Trespassers Williams
Partying: Calabria 2007, Enur
Happy dance: Southern Girl, Amos Lee
Long night alone: Lonely Tonight, Matt Wertz*
Death scene: Beautiful, Shawn McDonald
* = Have not changed since the last time I did this.
What I am looking forward to this week:
-New Student Retreat!
-Tutoring Isaiah
-IV and small group!
Listening to: Dance All Night, Ryan Adams
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Can we go back to the beginning, when everything was easier?
I've been feeling God's presence in my life so deeply lately. Like, I can really feel Him. I don't see why He trusts me with so much sometimes. I hope I don't (slash I can't) let Him down. And I'd like to think He won't let me.
Things are so different right now from what they were two years ago.
Listening to: Radiance and Reason, Josh Johnson
Things are so different right now from what they were two years ago.
Listening to: Radiance and Reason, Josh Johnson
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Silliness.
So I'm going through my old things and found a piece of paper entitled, "50+ things I want to do in a lifetime," written on April 26th, 2005. This was a project for my AP Lit class, taught by one of the most animated, energetic, vivacious teachers I've had - crazy old English teacher, haha.
Some of the list, I found I've accomplished:
15) Let people know I love them.
16) Make mistakes and learn from them.
31) Continue to attend BRLS, even after my 6th year.
40) Be spontaneous.
45) Dance like a maniac. (Haha, what the.)
Some to be accomplished soon (hopefully):
4) Graduate from college.
6) Have a career I love and enjoy.
8) Live in a 3rd world country.
11) Go to graduate school.
Some things, I now would NOT want to do:
32) Swim in a pool of apricot jello.
33) Name a wing after myself or something ridiculous.
51) Go to see the Kings during the playoffs (mainly, because it's not going to happen for them).
54) Live in NYC.
55) Live in Boston.
Along with a lot of other silly things I don't think I will do/want to do.
Things sure have changed since high school.
So I'm going through my old things and found a piece of paper entitled, "50+ things I want to do in a lifetime," written on April 26th, 2005. This was a project for my AP Lit class, taught by one of the most animated, energetic, vivacious teachers I've had - crazy old English teacher, haha.
Some of the list, I found I've accomplished:
15) Let people know I love them.
16) Make mistakes and learn from them.
31) Continue to attend BRLS, even after my 6th year.
40) Be spontaneous.
45) Dance like a maniac. (Haha, what the.)
Some to be accomplished soon (hopefully):
4) Graduate from college.
6) Have a career I love and enjoy.
8) Live in a 3rd world country.
11) Go to graduate school.
Some things, I now would NOT want to do:
32) Swim in a pool of apricot jello.
33) Name a wing after myself or something ridiculous.
51) Go to see the Kings during the playoffs (mainly, because it's not going to happen for them).
54) Live in NYC.
55) Live in Boston.
Along with a lot of other silly things I don't think I will do/want to do.
Things sure have changed since high school.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
So there is this little boy in camp named Joseph. Joseph has Down syndrome and has such a big heart - he's not even in my camp but is still incredibly friendly with me. He loves hugs and attention, as most kids do. One day, he showed me a doodle, and on it, was a bunch of little drawings. One was of Jesus on the cross (smiling, which was a cute addition on Joseph's part) and he scribbled a bunch of little phrases (the ones that I was able to make out), like "Rock," and "Strong Tower," with the penmanship of a 5 year old, rather than the 11 year old that he is.
Children with Down syndrome have lower than average intelligence and their communication is usually impaired; Joseph barely verbal, which is why this struck me.
It just shows how powerful/big/loving Jesus is - this kid really loves Jesus and what He has done for him. I sometimes doubt that He can enter into lives, but He can - and I am so weak for doubting what He can do, which I do a lot, subconsciously.
Camp is over tomorrow. More to come later.
Listening to: Never Let Go, Matt Redman
Children with Down syndrome have lower than average intelligence and their communication is usually impaired; Joseph barely verbal, which is why this struck me.
It just shows how powerful/big/loving Jesus is - this kid really loves Jesus and what He has done for him. I sometimes doubt that He can enter into lives, but He can - and I am so weak for doubting what He can do, which I do a lot, subconsciously.
Camp is over tomorrow. More to come later.
Listening to: Never Let Go, Matt Redman
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)