So I came across a little saying today that I have read before, but that has so much meaning to me currently. It says: "Love until it hurts. And then love some more." (I think it is Mother Teresa but I am not sure). I guess I don't think I have realized how prevalent this is until recently, especially with my relationship with Rob.
Love is hard. For me, it is something that has put my heart out there, on the line and vulnerable. I have shared parts of my life with him that I don't think I have shared with anyone else. And sometimes, I feel let down by him, one of the people I love most. And it hurts. Like hell. There is no denying that. But, even when it hurts to love, this quote so beautifully and simply call us to love more. To deny our personal interests, prides, pains and hurts, let go of them and release them to God, and embrace LOVE. To lay down our "lives." (1 John 3:16) This is really hard to fathom and to live out.
The fact that love is hard and heartbreaking reminds me of Jesus. Love is hard. Rob and I went over Jesus washing the disciples' feet and predicting the betrayal of Judas, Jesus' friend and disciple, in John 13. Wow. Judas has been with him for a long time now; they have formed a relationship and connection. Trust and love is fostered between them.
But Judas will betray Jesus. He will sell him out. And Jesus, in his perfection, knows this. But he does not choose to despise or hate Judas. He keeps loving him. Even though he is hurt by Judas, he still loves Judas. He washes his feet, showing humility and servanthood. He dips the bread and gives it to Judas, a sign of honor. He is deeply troubled by his prediction, hurt by the course of action his betrayer will take. But he puts away his best interests and focuses on Judas, what he needs to be able to see Jesus' love for him. Despite knowing Judas will betray him, leading to his painful crucifixion and death, Jesus LOVES Judas and this is shown through his actions. This is what love is.
This concept is displayed ultimately by Jesus' death on the cross. He died for us, bearing our burdens: our sins, our weaknesses, our pains and hurts. And this hurt like hell. Crucifixion is one of the most painful ways to die, as one is slowly being suffocated. Why did Jesus died? Love.