Sometimes there is such a disconnect for me. I often feel in between joy and guilt. Joy in what I see God doing in my heart/life, on our campus, within our fellowship, in friendships, in intentionality. Guilt in how hard it is for me to leave behind what I hold dear, in not living up to my potential. I am so selfish and I am realizing it more and more each day. There is a lot in my heart that I am unable to let go of, things that I want. I feel so unworthy sometimes and God knows my heart, but His goodness and mercy are overwhelming."To starve is to feast and less of me is more of Jesus." -- I gave a little speech about lordship at this retreat I went on this weekend - 3-5 minutes. It's pretty funny I got to speak on this topic because it's been increasingly difficult for me as of late. At one point, I felt so unfit to talk about this because of my struggles due to the selfishness that I have. I wanted to change it at one point; I was having a lot of trouble writing/thinking out what I wanted to say. But I remembered a truth that I often forget. Something that I love so much about God is that he is working on us all, continually and every day. And His grace is there, when we fall short, despite anything and everything.
Philippians 3:7-9 is amazing. The more I come to know God (and read verses such as this), the more I am convicted to give my life over to Him, the more I am convicted that what I hold dear in my life here is worthless in comparison to what Jesus is. However, there is a disconnect between this strong conviction and living it out. I read passages like this one and am so moved. Change may happen but I fall back into the same sin eventually. Still, another amazing example of His grace.
But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faithI will try to be better. I will be better.
Photo compliments of Allison.
Listening to: Lord You Have My Heart, delirious?
3 comments:
Good post. Found you of of D-Plum's blog - he's a mad cool guy.
Carol... I love your heart. :-) Keep pressing on - being changed into Christ's image is a lifetime project. ;-) Your post resonates with me... thank you for sharing your heart.
Pastor D (D-Plum to some, lol)
thanks, you don't know me, but this truly touched my heart. May God bless you today and many years to come.
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