My sin had left a crimson stain.

It has been a long week! Babysitting for a toddler and a baby is a tiring job!

This week: I managed to:

• Finish putting together pictures for our wedding scrapbook (now just have finish it by writing quotes, scriptures, etc)
• Gather materials for my next big craft project (will post when I am done!)
• Make a 3 layer vanilla cake with strawberry cream cheese frosting

YUM.

• Earn 50 cents off gas per gallon (!)
• Gather neat knobs from World Market to funky-fy our dresser :) 

I am going through the book of Mark with a friend; yesterday, we read through the story in Mark 1, where a leper goes to Jesus, saying, "If you are willing, make me clean." Jesus looks on him with compassion, says that He is willing and cleanses him. The man goes off, with what I interpret as uncontainable joy, and tells of his renewal, despite being told not to. I have read that story multiple times, but this time, it really struck a cord in my heart. Several things (I am in a bullet point mood):

• It made me think about the sheer fact that Jesus cares for and loves those who are outcasts from society - lepers were so revolting to people in that culture that no one would touch them because of the sores on their skin; they were literally "unclean" people. This makes my heart happy, thinking of many different populations in this world, including the homeless/hungry and people with disabilities - subgroups in our society that people oftentimes casts aside/neglect/make fun of ("hobo," "bum," "lazy," the r-word that I cannot even bear to type out - that's a whole other post). 
• I identify with this leper. Figuratively, I am filthy, stained by my sin and brokenness. I want to be made clean, to be made pure and holy, beautiful. I can see myself in this leper's shoes, coming to Jesus, asking him to make me clean, to turn my life around. Jesus looks past social/religious bounds, touches the man who probably hasn't been touched in years, and makes him clean. What?! Just like that?? Amazing... THEN: 

 This morning, during our church service, we sang, "Jesus Paid It All." Funny coincidence: 

Lord, now indeed I find, Thine power and Thine alone,can change the leper's spotsand melt the heart of stone.Jesus paid it all,all to Him I owe,My sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow.

It brought me to tears. I am so grateful for the sacrifice Jesus paid to make my unclean soul "white as snow," holy and pure. I am made new because of Him.

source  

Listening to: Summer Skin, Deathcab for Cutie

Big storms!

This week has flown by! It's been super busy, between babysitting, running errands, church events, small group, paperwork at school - I was excited for a relaxing weekend, but God had other plans. On Friday, while Rob and I were out with some friends watching Moonrise Kingdom, there was a BIG storm that hit - we didn't realize this, as we were in the theater until the lights and screen cut out! It was a little funny, because it was during a scene where there was a big storm. But anyway, it caused quite a bit of damage - a LOT of people lost their power and lots of trees and lines down.

Fallen tree - it was HUGE!

Luckily, we still had power (for a little bit - we ended up losing power too, but only for a little bit) so we housed Rob's grandma, mom and dad and our friends Corina and Jake for the day/part of the day. :) It's kind of fun not having our technologies whenever we want and just being able to interact and talk without the distractions.

Rob and I are reading through 1 John together; we did our second study today. It was pretty convicting - in chapter 2, it goes through the idea of being a liar if we do not do what God commands (v. 4). Which is pretty heavy - as I read through the study and discussed it with Rob, I thought about the ways that I am a "liar," in the ways that I ignore God's commands - gossiping, judging others, not loving my brothers/sisters. The ways that we live can be a testimony to the commitment to we have made to Jesus and to our relationship; in some ways, I think the world may look at me and think I am a "liar" because I so often fall short. Thankfully, when we do fall short (which is often), Jesus speaks on our behalf, in our defense (v. 2). There is an assurance there. Hopefully, the good Lord continues to do his work in me. :)

School is out for summer! Wahoo! It has been my first real week off; it has been really nice to relax, sleep in, run errands, and CLEAN. I have felt like quite the housewife lately; some of our furniture has collected such dust! :-O I thought I would be bored this summer, but it's really been nice to have so much time on my hands!

This summer, I plan on (hopefully) babysitting regularly, running, hanging out with friends, crafting, finishing starting our wedding scrapbook, making yummy Pinterest recipes, like these bean tacos pictured below, with fresh tomato salsa, mango salsa, seasoned corn and avocado. :)

The hubby and I plan on going on a lot of day trips, as we aren't able to go on an extended vacation. Kings Dominion, Shenendoah, Bethany Beach - any other fun day trips we can take nearby the metro DC area?

Rob's sister Christie got married last Saturday; it was a beautiful wedding at Turf Valley in Ellicott City, MD. Rob and I had a blast! This was the first wedding we've been to since ours. It really put me in a sentimental mood and I thought a lot about our wedding as their wedding day came. 

Black H&M Dress ($10!), black peep toe Gap flats
Turquoise chunky necklace

My love and I; the most handsome groomsman there was!

I cut my hair, so it is much shorter than that. Pictures to be posted soon! 

My plans for this week: Wedding scrapbook. 

Sick is no fun...

Welp - I was sick all of last week. I went into Sunday night with the chills, body aches and a headache and came out of the ER Monday morning at 3 am with an infection. :( Throughout the week, I still had the case of the chills, fevers, headaches and body aches - general weakness. I went to the doctor's again on Tuesday and found out I had a sinus infection as well!
Rob was a huge help - reminding me to take my meds, drink lots of water, bringing things to me (as I was subjected to the couch), making me food (when I would eat). What a great hubby!

Today, we went down to DC to hand out some lunches to our homeless friends downtown. Rob gave an impromptu Chesapeake Bay lesson to some guys interested in oysters and I had a chat with a good old friend about heaven. It was a good day. :) I am glad to finally be well enough to get out of the apartment.

Listening to: O's Game

I am grateful

I am grateful. For sunshine. For car rides with my husband with windows down, listening to him sing along to music playing loud. For Jesus Christ pouring down his blessings and love. For my students. For 21 days of school left. For mothers. For my Heavenly Father. For game nights with good friends. For lazy Saturdays.

 Most of all, I am grateful for this video today and what it has taught me. Thank you for showing me the reality of this quote: "But if we set our face to make of marriage mainly what God has designed it to be, no sorrows and no calamities can stand in our way. Every one of them will be not an obstacle to success but a way to succeed. The beauty of the covenant keeping love between Christ and his church shines brightest when nothing but Christ can sustain." -John Piper

 With love, Carol

I want to be more intentional about blogging. I have a lot to share! And I've been inspired by all of these teacher blogs and food blogs that I have come across on Pinterest.

Since I last posted, I married my best friend. Everyone always asks us how married life is now. Marriage definitely has its ups and downs, but I am continuing to learn more about him, about myself and about God through the process. We are coming up on 6 months of marriage - I can't believe so much time has passed.



I have a student who is kind of a blabber mouth. She is my only completely verbal student and does she make up for the other by her chattiness! The other day, I told her about the party we were having for one of our staff; she got really excited but I told her not to even talk to this staff person because the last time my student found out about a birthday party, she spilled the beans and told the birthday girl. This time she took it seriously - she walked through the staff member's room; the staff member said, "Hi! How are you?" to my student and she did not answer her question. I asked her, "B, Miss Lissy asked you a question." She said, "Mrs. Walker, you told me not to talk to her."

I know I am going to seem lame for posting about this, but I will risk judgement. I have been an avid One Tree Hill fan since high school when it came out. It is coming close to the end of its series! Crazy. One of the storylines that has always saddened me is Dan Scott's failed relationship with his son, Nathan, and his family. Dan was a really bad dad - he had an illegitimate son with his high school sweetheart Karen close to the same time he impregnated his college girlfriend, Deb; he never gave this illegitimate son the time of day and did not even want to associate himself with him, while pressuring his son Nathan to the brink of taking steroids to boost his basketball performance; he killed his own brother and lied about it; this is only a few of the nasty things that characterized Dan's life. For almost the entire show, Nathan and friends really HATED Dan for all that he did and all that he was. Throughout this, I felt really bad for Dan. A lot of the things Dan did sprouted from sin and hardness in his own heart, but I knew that, at least in his relationship with Nathan, he did a lot of things out of love; maybe not in the best and most loving way, but he has so much love for Nate.
A couple of shows ago, Dan risked his life for Nathan, taking the bullet for him trying to save Nathan from being kidnapped (okay, so the show gets kind of crazy sometimes). I was so happy that the writers decided to take the show this way; despite the awful things that Dan Scott did and was, he unselfishly sacrificed himself for his son, while he knew good and well that Nathan HATED him (not the same complete picture of the verse, but reminds me of Romans 5:8). The show did a good job of showing the family coming alongside Dan for his last couple of hours and loving him, despite everything that he had done - he showed that he truly repented and how sorry he was for the things that he had done. I thought it was a really beautiful picture of redemption of a fallen man and reconciliation of broken relationships.

Listening to: Gamble Everything For Love - Ben Lee

Updates on life

Hi.

It has been a long while! With school and engagements and wedding planning and apartment hunting, it has been a whirlwind of a winter/spring. I think this is a good place to update on the goodness of a FULL life. :)

1) ENGAGEMENT

Rob and I got engaged! I don't think I have updated this blog with this. He proposed on January 1, 2011 (read the story here at sunandwalker.ourwedding.com), and we have been full wedding planning ever since! Being engaged has been as much fun as being boyfriend/girlfriend. It has been really neat to make decisions together in our wedding planning and more important, in our future married lives together. I have been so blessed to be able to share my life in this way with someone as caring, kind and loving as Rob, who points me towards Christ and continues to show me love and mercy that is like Jesus'. I am excited to be his wife in a little over 100 days!

2) First year of teaching: Complete.

My first year of teaching is DONE. I work with students who have severe to profound disabilities, so every day is an adventure. Whether it was being coughed/sneezed on, almost thrown up on, changing dirty and oversized diapers, getting slapped or hit, singing/dancing/laughing with the kids, seeing growth and progress throughout the year, the smiles I got from the cute things they did, or getting slobbery kisses on the cheek, I had a BLAST. I don't think I could have asked for a better group of students.

I learned a lot - things that I want to do again next year and things I won't EVER be doing again. I constantly learn compassion and patience from my students. I love my students and am excited to be apart of growing them into people who can function more independently, despite the disability that they have been dealt. I love that I am able to spend my time with these little children of God, who may not contribute much to society on a grand scale in the eyes of some (finding the cure to cancer or discovering alternative sources of energy) but who bless those around them in ways they do not realize, which may be an even greater contribution (to me). I love to believe and trust in their potentials and their abilities. And I love pushing them to be the best and do the best, to be what they are capable of, which is a lot more than what most people give them and sometimes more than what they think of themselves. I truly feel like I am doing what God has gifted me with and what He has called me to do with my life. :) Which is really cool.

I feel blessed for the preparation school and grad school gave me. And I feel lucky to be surrounded by such supportive people, at my work and in my personal life, to encourage me and urge me to be the best teacher I could be, even when I don't feel like I am.

So now, I have two weeks of a mini-break before I go into summer school with 4 of the 5 students I had during the school year and 3 more. I will return to the same school next year.

3) Living Situations

Rob and I just put down an application on a condo in Greenbelt. Things are looking good. I am very excited! It is in a nice quiet neighborhood, has a patio with a small garden (!), new kitchen appliances (flat top stove!), track lighting throughout the condo, dining room, walk-in closet... A real cute find that Rob and I will hopefully be cozy in! I will be moving in July and Rob will be moving in once we get married in October. We are super excited about it; I am starting to think about the cute ways I can decorate it! We have been scouting the local furniture stores, Ikea, and craigslist for furniture finds and decor. This life is crazy but exciting.

4) Wedding Planning

Sites I live by: weddinggawker.com, theknot.com, weddingwire.com, weddingchannel.com. Wedding planning is coming down to the small things now - hair appointments, DIY little projects, music selections, etc. It is crazy to think that it is June already (105 more days)! I am ready to be married, but I know that God is using this time to continue to grow and mold me individually and Rob and I as a couple.

Let's hope I don't become like this lady (I don't think I have but feel free to tell me otherwise):

Until next time (hopefully less than 4 months).

Listening to: Sing it Out, Switchfoot

I lose my faith easily. I am untrusting of God and His plans. I am easily overwhelmed by the brokenness of humans and our world and easily forget the goodness of God and the ways He has shown up for me so many times in my life and in the lives of many.

I know TRUTH but I don't feel it sometimes.

I need to keep trusting in a God who is bigger, who so desperately loves the world He created, who is active and healing.

Listening to: More, Tyrone Wells

Who will love me for me?

Beautiful, spiritual experiences can pop out of no where. I love these.

Today, while I was driving in the car, I was listening to the CD that Rob gave me for our 23rd month anniversary (2 years minus 1 month, holla!). On it, he put a song called, "What Love Really Means," by JJ Heller. As I was listening, I was moved to tears, being greatly reminded of the love that God has for all his people, regardless of our brokenness and our shortcomings. In the song, it says, "Who will love me for me? Not for what I have done or what I will become." We all want to be accepted and loved for who we want. We want to be LOVED. For who we are. Who we are, with the brokenness, flaws, and shortcomings that come with our bodies and our hearts. Sometimes, I ask myself: how can God (or anyone for that matter) love me, someone who is wholly broken and sinful? I am selfish. Unkind. Cold. Unloving.

The crux of the song is when JJ sings about a man in jail, "waiting to die," who comes to God asking for forgiveness. Someone who society would deem the most broken/fallen. But, when humbled and before God, he hears a voice from "within," telling him that HE will love him for him, now that he is listening.

We are no different than this man. We are no more broken or fallen than he is in the eyes of God. But God loves us equally and in spite of these failures and shortcomings. He showed us a love that we never knew and continues to show this to us.

He loves us. SO much. He shows us this all along. He is constantly telling us. But are we listening?

What a gift it is that you find people in your life who is able to show you the love of God, little pieces of the great love that covers us all.

And God confirmed ALL this through his sun rays shining through the clouds. What a beautiful God.

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins."

Listening to: What Love Really Means, JJ Heller

Love will be the last thing standing.

So after almost 2 months, I think it is about time for another post!

Life can be summed up in one word: Busy. I have been very busy, pulling about 11 hour days consistently. Despite the craziness of the days, I have LOVED it. I am very joyful, despite the long days. Jesus has been present. My kids are little bundles of joy; they are little love-bugs! I get a hug or a smile pretty much every hour of the day. And it has been like this since the 1st day, haha. Man, how awesome would it be to be able to love like that - free from anything holding us back, with no hesitation.

Another thing: They also think I am funny! Which not many people do, so this is something I have to hold onto.

They do have their stubborn moments. When a play break is over (which happen frequently; my kids require LOTS of breaks), I am met with the response of, "No." I just keep singing my clean-up song and they come along, eventually. With some tough love on my part. :)

I think it is interesting that when I tell people that I am a special education teacher, I am met by the response: "You must be SO patient." Really? Am I? Maybe in this area of my life, but definitely not in others. God is PERSISTENTLY teaching me patience; haha, sometimes, I wish I could learn it and get along with other life lessons already! ;) (Ba ba buumsh - that was supposed to be funny.)

I also want to say that I really like the song, "Light up the Sky" by the Afters. It is a reminder of God's presence in our lives and how He WANTS us to know this awesome truth. I've definitely been feeling this in my life, despite how busy things are.

The song is on the most recent of CDs that Rob and I exchange every month - and this is a really really good one! I will post the tracks - let me know if you want me to zip you over a copy. :)

1) The Blues, Switchfoot

2) Gravity, Shawn McDonald

3) Choosing, Alli Rogers

4) He Is Here, Amena Brown (spoken word)

5) You Led Me, Barlowgirl

6) My Eyes are Open, Now I See, Kelsey Waldon

7) Light Up the Sky, The Afters

8) Sing It Out, Switchfoot

9) I Will Sing, Owen Pye

10) Yahweh, Shawn McDonald

11) Oh My God, Blue Tree

12) Beautiful, Scandalous Night, Robbie Seay Band

13) Who Is This God, Alli Rogers

14) You, Switchfoot

15) For Freedom, Jimmy Needham

16) No One Like You, BarlowGirl

17) Just a Spark, Owen Pye

18) In Christ Alone, Bethany Dillon and Matt Hammitt

19) Love Wins, Robbie Seay Band

20) One Body, Alli Rogers